I wanted to post this somewhere...

Note: I started writing this for my teacher blog, and decided it was a little too emo and personal, but I didn't want to delete it, because the words and the thoughts have meaning and I want them recorded somewhere for me to look back and realize what they mean and who I was while I was looking for a job as a teacher. 

An interesting side effect of feeling almost constantly rejected in one section of your life is that rejections that come in a different area sting a whole lot more.  It's almost like you think that if life can throw so many rejections in your face in one aspect of your life, the least it could do is let you succeed somewhere, even if it is minor. Boost the confidence a little, or something.

Instead, you have a moment where you find yourself crying hysterically over something that doesn't even matter, as though it is a symptom of the larger problem of your life in general. That you just fail at everything you do.

Because that new rejection, as minor as it may be in the long run, is just the tipping point. It's easier to accept having trouble finding a job in a competitive industry than it is to feel like you were the last kid picked for recess baseball teams.

I'm purposely not providing details of said rejection because, even in the middle of my hysteria, I feel foolish, and I'd rather not further spread the insanity, so suffice it to say that by next week, I will be horrified that this incident was the moment that finally tipped the scales from frustrated acceptance to tears.

Putting Filters on Life

How do you make sure that only the good things matter in your life?  

I guess not every does that, or the world would probably be a much more pleasant place, but I try every day to let the bad things of that day leave with that day and just let them go.  Of course, I'm only human, and very often annoyances and hurt feelings will continue on into new days, but I really do try to let the things that I know won't matter once I forget about them go.  

Like if someone is upset at me because of something that I can't control, I try to let it go.  I try not to dwell on gossip and bad feelings because I remember what it was like to be in a job that made me want to cry every single day I worked there, and part of the reason for that is because I let everything get to me.  Even making less money know, I'm so much happier and less stressed out.  

I'm genuinely curious, so please, comment away.  

Community

One of the things that I love the most about my current job is that we encounter some of the nicest customers that I have ever met.  I guess the one thing about getting your coffee from the same place every day (sometimes more than once), is that you really get to know the people who make it for you, and you start to care about them.

I have a few customers that I really care about.  I've been at this place a little more than three months and I already feel part of a family, and I think that's beautiful.  Sure it can be dysfunctional, and occasionally annoying (like any good family), but the good bits outweigh the bad bits any day of the week.

I'm just amazed at the awesomeness of some of the people that have come into my life because of this job.

Family Moments

At the table tonight, as we're finishing up our delightful dessert (peach crisp!), we are discussing television shows about ghost stories and how much they freak out my cousins.

Aunt: Erin can't watch the ones about children
Erin: OMG YES!  I hate the little kid goats!

Everyone: ...goats?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good blog, what gets readers to come back.  I know one of those things is content, lots of content, but the problem for me is that I can't seem to focus my writing.

So, I'm looking for ideas.  If you read this, post a comment and let me know what you think I should write about.  In general, in specific, whatever you can think of.  Maybe I'll draw some ideas from there, or maybe one of the ideas will give me a direction.  We'll see.

Grandmom C, I love you

I'm having a sad post today. My best friend in the whole world lost her grandmother today. I'm very sad for her and her mother, but I'm also glad that her grandmother is finally at peace. She was a very beautiful and strong woman, who beat some really long odds when she was diagnosed with cancer in order to meet her great grandson, and she was able to spend two months getting to know him.

This is a meager tribute to her memory, but I need to do something because I feel she deserves it, especially after she visited my dreams two days ago to make sure that her family knew she was okay. I always thought of her as a surrogate grandparent for myself, as mine have all passed on as well.

I hope that you take everything wonderful from this life with you, and have a wonderful time in the next.  We here will miss you terribly, but we understand, and we hope to see you again someday.

Books and Other things

So, I've moved my thoughts on ditching shampoo to a new blog, so as not to make everyone crazy with daily updates and thoughts about my hair (superficial, much?), but so that I can still keep track of it personally, and if anyone is interested in my progress, they can follow it there as well. I will try to post a photo every day at the very least, and any thoughts I have about the process and how my hair feels.

In news that is not related to my hair, I am up way later than I should be considering I have to work at 6:30 tomorrow and really flipping early pretty much all week. Love it.

I'm excited because the second book in a series (I think?) I'm into comes out in a few days. Really it could just be a sequel and it ends there, but either way, I'm excited because the first book was excellent and I can't wait to see how it goes. Incidentally, the book is The Prophecy of the Sisters and its sequel is Guardian of the Gate. I'm looking forward to it.

Alright, to bed with me.

An experiment

I'm attempting the "no 'poo" method on my hair.  By that I mean that I'm ditching my shampoo for a few weeks (at least) as an experiment to see how it works on my hair.  This concept freaks me out a little bit, but the more I read about it, the more I think it will be good for my particular situation.

The shampoo that I have been using has a product in common with dish detergent.  Seriously?  Dish detergent?  That's frightening.  So yea.  I'm going to give it a go and see what happens.